


Snow's Balls

by smartpatrolmrdna



Series: Gab's Worthless Scribbles [1]
Category: A Year Without a Santa Claus (1974), Rankin-Bass Holiday Specials, Santa Clause (Movies)
Genre: Bernard's POV, M/M, i totally switched up snow miser's looks, less-cartoonish Snow Miser
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-27
Updated: 2018-06-27
Packaged: 2019-05-29 06:55:40
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,447
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15067619
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/smartpatrolmrdna/pseuds/smartpatrolmrdna
Summary: Bernard is sent on a mission to clear up the violent storm that happened to fall on the morning of Xmas Eve.





	Snow's Balls

**Author's Note:**

> i was writing a different Bernard fic and got angry and said "what if i just made him fuck the Miser Brothers!" and then i developed the idea from a pathetic one to a campy one. also i care about Bernard like he is my own son so i decided to not have him fuck Heat Miser. i'm very biased towards Snowy. enjoy
> 
> *for reference, when i describe shirtless bernard, he looks like this https://goo.gl/images/g8uVGw

     I'm not sure if you know this, but the Miser Brothers, the big ones that fight over the weather, are real. Not only that, but they're supposed to be Guardians. They _are_ Mother Nature's sons, of course. But the way humans are shown them in the cartoon movie is off. They aren't big, and they aren't blue and orange. They look like normal guys with very element-coordinated outfits and bright hair. One thing the movie did get right, though, is how they are always fighting. And it isn't even real, violent fighting! Just corny vaudevillian brawls! But they are relentless and repetitive brawls. That's why they can't be Guardians, every meeting they attend at the same time ends up a disaster. And by that I mean _everyone_ in the room is fighting. Including me, one time. Ugh, I shudder when I think of it.

     I'm on my way to Snow Miser's sky palace to see if I can stop the storm that's going on right now. I love my job and would rather die than not live up to the Head Elves before me, but jeez, if this isn't a stressful job, then I don't know what is. Rudolph is carrying me on his back (since my transportation watch has lost connection, and he has his red nose) through a hurricane. That's right, a hurricane. I am being pelted with rain and my hair is probably _so_ puffy right now, I'll embarrass myself in front of the guy who Xmas' fate depends on. 

     Fantastic. 

* * *

 

     The storm is still going strong at Snow Miser's palace, but thankfully Rudolph parked in front of the entrance. I feel bad for making him do so much work, he is such a cute little guy. It sucks that he's still made fun of by the other reindeer, and he doesn't even know it! I don't have the heart to tell him. I handed him a stalk of carrots as a token of my appreciation.

     "Thanks, Bernard!" Rudolph exclaimed. I smiled and knocked on the castle doors.

     He talks just like he did in the cartoon movie. Yikes.

     The castle doors ominously swing open and I am greeted by three small versions of the snow miser stacked on top of each other. 

     "Follow us, please," they say in synchronous, monotone voices. They guide me through one ever-extending hall with tall, icy walls and various paintings of Snow Miser where he is posed like an 1800's European Romanticism poet. As the length of the hallway dwindled down, there was a sharp turn into a shorter one where a big doorway lied at the end. Four more little guys are guarding that door with spears and shields. The three that were guiding me walked up to them and mumbled something in a language I've never even heard before. The guards nodded at me and created a path to the door that the three I followed swung open, revealing a large icy throne that made even the Snow Miser look small. His legs were swung over one of the arm rests as he twiddled with a looong blue and white scarf and talked on the phone. As I approached, I could make out some of his conversation.

     "I'll talk to you later, baby, I have some 'important business' to attend to," he remarked while looking me in the eyes. His voice is flamboyant and snarky, meaning you can never tell whether he's serious or not, and he doesn't elaborate on anything so you will never find out. 

     "Bernard! Sweetheart! Great to see ya," he sat up in his chair and gave me a wink. "So what are ya here for today?"

     I wanted him to take me seriously. I don't wanna hear a single chuckle out of his mouth. This man's work ethic disgusts me and I don't want any disregard. I make him aware of that, "You know why! Clear up the sky so Santa can deliver his gifts without any co--"

     "No."

     "What?"

     "I know what you're gonna say. The answer is a solid _no._ "

     "Why?"

     "'Cuz I don't feel like it."

     "Sir, you _must_ understand that me and my fellow elves have worked all year for this. If you can't settle the petty drama with your brother, millions of children worldwide will cry because Santa Claus didn't come this year. Do you want that?" I was about to explode.

     "I don't care. No one will attack me for it."

     3...

     "Funny that you think that, because Santa and your mother _both_ told me that they were thinking of inviting you alone to the next Guardians meeting. And if you let this storm ride out and ruin Xmas, I don't think Santa or _any_ of the other Guardians would be pleased to see you. Don't ya think?" I felt as if I was being pulled closer to him by an invisible force.

     "Tragic."

     2...

     "Fine. If you don't care, we'll just invite your brother to the meeting instead. Allowing him total control of the weather. Hmm."

     Snow Miser sighed, "Uck, fine. If you do me  _one_ little favor, I will bring down the storm."

     At this point we were face to face, and I felt victorious. I glared into his bright blue eyes and grinned, "And that is?"

     He smirked and grabbed me by the collar and dragged me so close that our noses touched, "Get on your knees."

     I smiled and grabbed his jaw, "What will you do to me?"

     His sharp eyes met mine and inflicted a certain type of complex--that I couldn't quite place my finger on--onto this situation. I gulped and glanced down to his full and glossy lips, feeling drawn to them. Listen, this isn't a great situation to be in, and I get that, _but_ I am a sexually repressed elf. I refuse to sleep with anyone I work with because it could be seen as corrupt and it could cause awkward situations. However, I don't work with Snow Miser. And he is easily the better looking Miser Brother. So I'll give in. Besides, the closeness of our current situation inspired a certain _feeling_ in my lower abdomen. 

     While he lightly pushed me onto the ground, I brought him down with me. My fist was tightly clenched around his scarf and I brought him into a strong kiss.

     He pulled away and laughed at me a little, "Don't you try and act dominant, cutie." 

     That made me giggle, "C'mon, you can't blame me for trying."

     He looked me in the eyes and smirked, "I guess you're right. But it's time for you to stop."

     One of his arms snaked around my back and I let my body lay limp while he cradled my jaw and sucked a hickey into the crook of my neck. 

     Soon we were fully making out, his wintry lips collided with mine and our tongues smushed together like marshmallows. Our breath depleted and he soon pulled away from me, laying me flat on the ground. His legs were like a staple, holding me still on the spot to watch him remove his clothes. His skin was beautiful and dark, like his mothers', except certain bones of his were defined by pale, almost blue, shades. 

     He swooped down towards me so his mouth was right next to my ear, "Feel me," he whispered. I happily obliged. I started on his jaw, which I could've sworn put cuts in my fingertips. I dragged my hands down to wrap around his neck, giving it a tight squeeze then moving onto his torso. Eventually, I made it to his thighs, which were quite muscle-y but had just enough fat to grab onto. I rubbed my hands on the insides of them, then moved to his underwear to release his cock. And release his cock is exactly what I did. It was giant, and much to my pleasure, it wasn't blue and white. That was a lingering thought in the back of my head the whole time that I am glad didn't turn out to be true. 

     I spit on my hands and rubbed them together to create a last-minute lube and stroked him up and down a few times before pushing him off me. He leaned back on his arms so I had a better angle, then I knelt down and took his tip into my mouth. I am an expert at deep-throating--trust me on that totally normal statement--but his cock was so big that I couldn't take all of it. As I was blowing him, he pulled off my hat, tossed it to the side, and gripped onto my curls. First he started with slight tugs, but as I progressed further down him, the tugs turned into pulls, and the pulls into yanks. I removed my mouth (so I didn't accidentally bite down from the pain) and moaned as I licked around his tip and up and down the thick veins. He wasn't very vocal just yet, but I did evoke a couple pleased sighs out of him. 

     Snow Miser heard my tired and heavy breathing and he grabbed me by the neck with one of his big, veiny hands, and lifted me so that he could look me in the eye. I was gasping for breath and attempting to pull his hands off, but didn't give until he saw the tears stream down my cheeks. He loosened his grip and dragged me into a tight kiss. He began to give me small kisses all around my mouth, and said, "thank you.. for.. getting my.. cock wet.. it'll be.. easier to put in you now," in between each kiss. I smirked and looked down at his dick to see that he was jerking himself off. 

     "Get down now, please," Snow Miser teased. "Oh, but take your clothes off first." Without hesitance I pulled off my tunic first. I was, and am still, a bit insecure about my torso; I have a clump of hair down on my soft stomach, which I know isn't ideal, and I timidly looked up at him as I undid my belt. 

     "Aww, are you insecure? Don't you worry, I think you're adorable, darling," he said as he scooted closer to me. He held my chin up to look me directly in the eyes and I let my hands drop from my belt. "Let me help with those," he took out my belt and put it aside, "for later," he winked. He began unzipping my pants and pulling them down my thighs as I kicked my shoes off. Once he saw my hard cock throbbing beneath my underwear, his eyes lit up and his mouth twisted into an interested smile, "It's beautiful, sugar plum. Now turn over."

     I lowered myself onto the ground with my forearms supporting me. He pulled down my boxer-briefs and spread me wide so he could place his spit-drenched fingers into my hole. It was a rough entrance, three fingers right off the bat, that made me let out a quiet groan. I heard a pleased "hmm" come from Snow's mouth and he whipped me with my belt. 

     " _Fuck_ ," I gasped.

     "Are you ready?"

     I gulped and took a deep breath before nodding.  _He is going to rearrange my guts_ , I thought.

     I thought correctly. He grasped onto my tubby waistline for leverage and calmly thrusted in. I felt his cock reach parts of my body that have never been reached before. I remained quiet when he was exploring my insides, but when he began thrusting quick, I couldn't contain myself. I moaned, I grunted, I yelled. After every noise I made, he hit me with my belt, but I enjoyed it, so I did it more. After the fifth whip, he used one of his hands and reached for my dick, beating it hard. He wanted to hear me moan louder, so I did.

     "You sound like a girl when you moan," he pointed out.

     "Do you like that?" 

     "I never said I didn't."

So I moaned louder. It really got me off, feeling as helpless as I did, and I know Snow Miser liked it, too. We kept going like that for a few more minutes until I felt him unload inside of me. Not more than ten seconds after that, I came all over his hand. We collapsed next to each other, breathing loudly and in sync. I turned my head to the side so I could look at him licking my cum off his hands. 

     " _Mmm_ , my favorite flavor," he joked. We sat up and smiled at each other. "You're seeing my brother after this, right?" 

     "Yeah, why?"

     "Because I'm almost positive he'll make you do the same thing. We hate each other and always bicker, but we're twins, so we do think alike."

     I felt scared by this. I didn't like Heat Miser all that much, he's not as amicable and as fun as his brother. He's just a cranky old queen who lives somewhere that looks just like hell. 

     "I can tell you don't want to," said Snow Miser in a completely serious tone.

     "I mean.. not really. I'm not as interested in him as I am in you. But he's not terrible and I'd do anything to save Xmas."

     "Ya shouldn't go and do that if ya don't want to, sweetie. Besides, when I cancel my cold weather, the storm will back off. It will just be a little foggy on Xmas Eve."

     "Are you sure?"

     "Of course I'm sure! I control the weather!"

     I giggled, "You're right, you're right."

     "Also, I wouldn't be surprised if that old hag cancels his warm weather after he sees mine is gone. He's just being a bitch and will be happy if he's convinced that he won."

     I nodded. 

     "I really enjoyed that, Bernie. You're a freaky little elf. If ya ever wanna see me again, just call me, I promise I'll hear ya. But I am a busy guy so I might not be able to respond right away," he smiled and reached his hand over to mine. 

     "Great! I should get going, but I will definitely talk to you soon," I winked at him as I stood up to put my clothes back on.

     "Alright, babe. If you don't there _will_ be consequences!"

     I laughed, "Cross my heart I will, only if you promise to let me be dominant at least once!"

     He smiled and waved goodbye and I did the same. 

     His guards looked at me odd as I walked out, but I just thanked them and walked myself out. I'm not gonna make a spectacle of myself.


End file.
